Balance

How many "hats" do you wear? On any given day I am all of the following ...

Jesus follower
wife
mother
pastor's wife
friend
mentor
counselor
homemaker
church member
daughter
sister

and most days I am even more.

The reality is - so are you and so are the women you mentor. In fact, some days I think we all find ourselves going from one urgent task to the next with no time for anything meaningful in between.

However, this is NOT God's plan for us! He desires us to follow His example - balance. From Genesis where He rested after creation to Revelation where we find eternal peace - we see that God is the best example of balance. In Luke 2 Jesus is described as growing "in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man" (verse 52). The Proverbs 31 woman is a beautiful example of a woman who balanced all things - marriage, family, employees, business, community, ministry, personal growth, and spiritual endeavor.

And so, as mentors, one of our most important tasks is to teach our mentees the Biblical principle of balance. Let me say this - all women will agree they need balance, that it is important and necessary. The reality is - few will put it into practice. Why? Because it is hard!! But it is necessary if we are to live in the fullness of intimacy with Christ.

In order to live in balance we must first identify our roles and our priorities. The following are the list of priorities I offer to the ladies I mentor and the directions I give them for working with them.

Priorities:
I'm listing several areas below. Please choose carefully THREE from this list to focus on for the next 3 months. I realize that all of these are important, but the reality is we cannot work on every part of our lives at one time.
Part of this exercise is to help you learn to focus your time and energy and prioritize the needs in your life.

Here are your options -
1. Personal spiritual growth
2. Marriage
3. Parenting
4. Ministry
5. Personal growth
6. Social
7. Emotional
8. Physical
9. Mental

For the three you choose, write out WHY you chose each and WHAT specific goals (no more than 3 per area) you have in each for the next three months.

I encourage you to give your mentee adequate time to evaluate the list and carefully choose which priorities she will choose and what goals she will set. I generally give my mentees one month to complete this assignment. I also ask them to give me the list and I take time to review it prayerfully myself before I discuss with them.

Also you will note that I state the time frame as three months. The reality is that three months can make a huge difference in what our lives look like. For example, due to Scott's position as Worship Pastor, the months of October through December are very full with preparations for all the Christmas activities at our church. Therefore, I generally make focusing on my marriage a main priority during that time because I know the stress can cause discord between us if I am not keeping close tabs on it. This is not to say that at any time my marriage is not a priority in my life, just that there are seasons where it requires more effort and focus on my part. Likewise, the summer requires more of me as a parent since Casiday is at home. With all the extra time I must devote to her, it is not a good time for me to begin an intense focus on my spiritual growth or start a new activity which demands much of my focus mentally.

There are several goals for this assignment and much to be learned by you and your mentee through completion.

1. Helping your mentee recognize how much she is TRYING to do! Sometimes women are not aware of all they are attempting to do or be until they take time to focus on priorities.
2. Assisting her in focusing on priorities. This can be a daunting process - giving a list of options is a great way to help your mentee focus.
3. Teaching her to develop measurable, realistic goals. To me, this is one of the most important and practical skills we can help our mentees learn.
4. Learning to work within reasonable timeframes. First, by requiring your mentee to take time to consider the assignment but giving her a deadline for completion and second, by requiring her to establish goals with a specific ending in mind.
5. Helping your mentee recognize how others' perceptions and expectations affect her. This is a biggie! If you are meeting in a group, you may find that everyone is hesitant to share or that they all give "Sunday School" answers - Jesus, my marriage, my children. This is likely because they don't want anyone to feel they don't value these things. However, it is important for you to encourage your mentees to accept that there are times when a physical need in their lives or some other area of focus is most important or necessary to deal with BEFORE they can move on to another area. Realize, too, that your mentee will not want disappoint you - so it is likely that she will try to give answers that will please you. Stop this before it starts by explaining to her that you are not going to judge her responses - but will give her assistance in evaluating and achieving her goals.
6. Teaching her to reassess regularly. I always have my mentees do this assignment every three to six months. It is always important to re-evaluate routinely. Your mentee will be encouraged by what she has accomplished and challenged to work in her weaker areas.